i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
