You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
