I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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