My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
