if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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