You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
