At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
