We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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