yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
