TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize