take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
