His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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