so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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