why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
