i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
