guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
