Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
