i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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