I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
