I murdered the dance floor call the cops
home. puking in laundry basket.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
