I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize