i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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