It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
