Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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