This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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