flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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