community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
