I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
