She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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