worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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