I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize