woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
