puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
