do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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