The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
