What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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