Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
