happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
