you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize