I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
