Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
