You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize