Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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