it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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