also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
