I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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