i permit you to call me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
