Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
