I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
