Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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