I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize