I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
