ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
