I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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