White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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