is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize