is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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