mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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