i just wanna soil my oats bro
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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