I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
