At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
