Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
