Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
