I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
