if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
