Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
