I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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