i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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