Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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