She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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