everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
