I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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