Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
