Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
