My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
50% drunk capacity currently
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
