My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
