So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
