i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
