She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
