At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
