i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
