dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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