in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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