Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
