He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Terrible idea I love it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
