Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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