Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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