He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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