i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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