My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
