I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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