I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
