I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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