Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
