I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
