Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
