drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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