If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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