...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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