walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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