what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
