Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
