I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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