Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
