and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The power of my boobs compel you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
