You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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