I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
